The Agents of Administration and Accounting
by LittleOwlet
Summary: Every year Fury makes Ed go on a 'team bonding' exercise with his team, when everyone knows it's just an excuse to give him a holiday. Considering the last one he had, the whole of New York fell to Loki, Ed isn't going to take one soon. This is a glimpse into SHIELD's Administration and Accounting team.


**AN: Hello, this is my first marvel fanfic! It's been years since I actually wrote fan fiction, so this is very exciting for me! I hope you enjoy, Ed and his team came about completely by accident! Thor and Loki are in the next chapter!**

* * *

"It would be Andrew for sure!" Jake snapped at Lucy, the woman rolled her eyes for what had to have been the fifth time.

"No it wouldn't. It would so be Charlie. Did you know he's crashed his car four times? Four, Jake! Of course he'd crash a plane,"

"I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt for this one. He's never flown a plane before."

"I can hear you, you know." Charlie breathed, leaning forward and removing one headphone. "And I have actually." When Bon Jovi blasted in his ears, he frowned, opened his iPod, and pressed skip.

Lucy turned in her seat, looked at him and shrugged. "And did you crash it?"

Charlie looked away. Lucy clapped her hands and laughed. "See, I told you!"

Jake scrunched up his nose and frowned before turning the man in the seat next to him. "Ed." The man looked up from his book. "Where'd you find this guy?" He gestured to Charlie with his thumb. His eyes sparkled. "What does he bring to the team again?"

Ed sighed. "About the same amount as you." He said, calmly, turning the next page in his book. Jake blinked, and sunk in his chair.

Lucy's laughter filled their ears. "Ouch." She laughed, holding up her hand for Charlie to high-five. A resounding slap bounced around the walls of the cabin.

Someone groaned. "Guys, can you keep it down?" Four long limbs lay sprawled about on a row of plush leather chairs.

Lucy poked her head over the top of her seat. "You know if you hadn't gotten drunk yesterday, you might be okay."

The person held up a thumb. "You're the one who suggested the idea." They slurred just before another groan escaped them. They hit their head softly against the seat.

Lucy reached out and patted the person on the back. "You keep telling yourself that, Quinn. It's not my fault you're scared of planes." Quinn held out his hand. A pillow was lobbed at him and with a mumbled "Thank you," he buried his face in it.

A girl with flaming hair put a blanket on his back."Why haven't we ever considered drugging him?" She said as she tucked the blanket into his sides. She ruffled his hair as she stood.

"We've tried." Jake huffed, flicking through the endless movies that offered him mild entertainment. The girl met his eye and he smirked.

"But..." Ed drawled. Looking up from his book and staring at Jake with raised eyebrows.

Jake threw the remote down and flopped back against the chair, crossing his arms. "But it's against the law." Ed nodded, returning to the book.

The redhead shrugged. "Hasn't stopped me before." She opened her purse and began to rummage around for something. She withdrew a syringe. Ed shot her a questioning look. "My sister's a vet."

Ed slammed his book shut, putting the pieces of the puzzle together. "You can't use horse tranquilizer on a person. It will kill them!"

"How do you know? You've never tried it before. I say let's find out."

Ed shot her a deadpanned look. "Lizzie. No."

Jake shook his head. "This a democracy, Ted. I say we have a vote." Ed glared at him. Jake smiled. "Raise your hand you're all for it." He put his hand in the air and looked around eagerly. An army of hands shot up. "One, two, three," Jake counted with his index finger, lowering his other arm slightly as he did so. "Four, five-"

"Lucy's got two hands up that doesn't count." Ed interjected. Lucy looked Ed straight in the eye, leaned back and raised both feet in the air. Ed's eyes narrowed. "No."

Jake grinned. "I'm counting it." He winked at Lucy and she blew him a kiss.

A sudden cry caught their attention. Cassandra, their boss, held the syringe in one hand while Lizzie's wrist was caught in the other. "Elizabeth. Don't be an idiot." Ed released a breath in relief. "You're injecting it in the wrong place." Ed's face fell. Cassandra released Lizzie's hand and crouched down. She turned over Quinn's arm, and began to feel around for a vein. She squirted the syringe, a small amount of clear liquid landed on the floor. She nodded and beckoned the redhead closer. Pushing on a pulsating vein with her thumb, she lowered the syringe. "See, this is how you do it." She glanced at Elizabeth, smiling at the awe on her face.

Quinn laid still. "Do it." He murmured, lifting his head to watch the display. "End my suffering."

Elizabeth placed a hand on his shoulder. "You're doing a brave thing, Quinn. One small step for humanity, one giant leap for science." Quinn nodded.

Charlie watched with mild interest. "You know Google says this isn't a good idea." He held up his phone, Lucy and Jake peered at it.

"It isn't a good idea because it kills people!" Ed shouted, exasperatedly. Elizabeth threw Ed a sideways glance. He stood, his book tumbling to the ground. Jake ducked down and scooped up the book with two hands.

"Google can eat my ass." Cassandra retorted, pinching Quinn's skin. Charlie nodded and put his headphones back in, rubbing his temples when another Bon Jovi song came on.

Quinn leaned into Cassandra's touch. "End me. End it all." He met Cassandra's eye. "By this stage, death would be mercy." She hummed in agreement.

Just then Ethan Green emerged from the toilet. Ethan was an ordinary man, brown hair, brown eyes, there was nothing spectacular about him. He liked his job, he liked his coworkers, he did a good job, he got on with his coworkers. What he couldn't stand, however, was needles. So when his eyes locked with the needle Cassandra was holding, he screamed.

Everyone froze, looking at Ethan, Ed sprang forward and grabbed the syringe from Cassandra's hand.

"Theodore!" Cassandra screamed, throwing herself at Ed. They tumbled to the floor. They rolled over each other before the woman was able to straddled him, Ed squirmed beneath her. Her hand gripped Ed's throat and he gargled. She flashed him a winning smile as she slid up his body.

"Kinky."

"Not now, Jake!" They both snapped, glaring at him. Jake shrank back.

Charlie put his elbows on the head of his chair. "Should we help them?" He asked, looking at Lucy. The right corner of his lip twitched when he saw the timer on her camera.

"Nah," Lucy answered, zooming in on the fighting pair. The video would be worth gold as blackmail. She could sell the footage at a high price on the SHIELD forums. "Let them fight it out. The tension has been so thick recently, not even a knife would cut it." She motioned cutting her neck with her thumb.

Charlie shrugged. "Fair enough. But I want 30% of the profits, MrsOdinson263."

Lucy's eyes flashed. She grabbed Charlie by the collar and pulled him close. "How do you know about that?" She spat.

Charlie studied her with cool eyes. "I have my sources." He held up a finger and typed something into his phone. He bit his lip, showing Lucy what was on his screen. A series of tweets were on his phone, all from MrsOdinson263. He looked at his phone. "Jane's a slut." He whispered. Lucy's face paled. "I want to fuck Thor so bad." He kept scrolling. "Thor can use his hammer on me anytime." His eyes met Lucy's. He leaned in. "Wink, wink."

His face stung from the sudden slap. "Tell no one about this." Lucy hissed.

Charlie raised his eyebrows. "Or?"

The girl released him, dusting herself down. "Or you don't get 30% of the profits."

Charlie grinned and held out his hand, which Lucy reluctantly shook. His grin grew. "Fantastic doing business with you, MrsOdinson263."

"Oh my god, guys. Ted's been reading erotica." Jake waved a book about. He screamed as the needle was thrown at him, burying itself in his skin.

"Finally!" Lizzie cheered and ran over to Jake, pushing down on the syringe and injecting him with the horse tranquilizer. His eyes rolled back and he collapsed to the floor.

Lucy and Charlie stared at the thrower, Cassandra, with wide eyes. She was breathing heavily, her eyebrows knitted together forming a dark look on her face. Ed still lay on the ground, his elbows supporting his top half. She cleared her throat, turned to him and offered him her hand. Ed eyed it warily before taking it.

He was hauled up. "Thank you?" He said. Cassandra promptly nodded, straightening her shirt's cuffs. They joined the circle gathering around Jake.

"Fury's gonna be furious." Lucy commented, prodding Jake with her foot. He grunted. She sighed, so he wasn't dead. What a shame.

Charlie laughed, his eyes grinning. "Good one." Lucy flashed him a smile.

While everyone was oogling over Jake's corpse, Ed discreetly picked up the fallen book, tucking it into his black bag. He shot it a forlorn book as he headed back to Jake. Later, he would finish the book later. He shook his head. "Just when it had been getting good..." He mumbled.

"Agents," A robotic voice overhead sounded. Quinn looked out the window and gasped. Death could be postponed for a little while. Beneath them fields of green ran for miles, he had never seen so many different shades. Little houses were hidden in the hillside, each as beautiful as the next. They reminded him of the dollhouse his sisters would play with when they were little. A gleaming blue river flowed through the village, the great bed of water dividing it in half. Reflections of white danced on the surface, beckoning Quinn to join them. He just might. All of it lay against a backdrop of grey, white and brown: the mountains. He sighed blissfully, closing his eyes, listening to the voice above them, like some benevolent God. "Welcome to Norway."


End file.
